Tuesday, April 29, 2008

So long, and thanks for all the fish...

Hi everyone! Foop’s back. It’s been nutty (insert long list of adventures and tribulations here).

Tomorrow is my last day at the “old” job. Since I graduated college lo these many (many) years ago, I have had three professional jobs, all in this industry, all more or less doing what I’m doing until 5:00 tomorrow.

Last week, all the usual trade pubs ran a blurb to say I was leaving the business (“I’m kind of a big deal,” she said facetiously) It felt odd to see my name bandied about with such familiarity. Then came a surprising and gratifying flood of calls and e-mails. “Good for you, Foop!”, “We’ll miss you,” and so forth; lots of sincere if ultimately unlikely declarations that 'we must stay in touch'.

In a funny way, I was reminded of a senior high school yearbook (“Love ya, stay cool!”). It certainly brought up a lot of memories of times I’ve had and friends I’ve made, as well as The One That Got Away. This is a very social and slightly incestuous business, so suffice to say I’ve had a lot of fun. (For the record, I’ve only “fished off the industry pier” once in all my years – see above - and even that was fairly chaste.) The point is that this is momentous.

And I’m alone.

Since moving here to South Crackalacky, I’ve made a few new friends, but I’ve been too crazy with everything to do much cultivating. For all intents and purposes, I am going through the dissolution of my marriage and a major career change da sola.

It just adds to the surreality of it all. I feel a little floaty and disconnected, like I’m watching all of this through a dreamy haze. When whatever I’m on wears off, I sure hope that there’s not a horrible negotiating-with-God kind of hangover awaiting me. Maybe this is just the frozen moment of clarity as my body is propelled forward in slow motion between one trapeze and the next.

I’m constantly surprised that I seem to be in a pretty good place about all of the things that have happened. I try not to overanalyze it. If I’m feeling OK, then great, right? Why try to talk myself out of it? But occasionally I do feel a sharp pang of loneliness. My inner circle at the moment consists of me, one four year old, and a small herd of animals.

Thank God I’m within driving distance of OTJ.

I have a lot of casual friends but only a few soul sisters. Most of the soul sisters have been with me since college and I’ve picked up a handful of others along the way. Maybe the reason that I don’t have a lot of close friends is that I’m spoiled by the ones that I have.

Deana, for example, is one of those friends who will look you straight in the eye, right when you need it, and say “So, what are you doing to do about it?” And then she puts a fabulous necklace on you and pours you a cup of organic tea. Jess is one of those people who, while the rest of the world is busy fretting about whether they’re going to get their piece of the pie and whether there’s going to be enough of it, shouts (mouth full of cherry filling), “Uh ma got! EVERYONE – you have GOT to come over here and try this awesome PIE!”

I have a few other sisters for whom I thank the universe on a regular basis. I’m lucky, really.

I just wish they were here or I was there.


jakelliesmom said...

It is a lot to take in, especially all at once, and I'm sure even more while solo.

Those kind of soul sisters are hard to find. I hope they all give you great big hugs.

I wish I had more to say - I can feel the weight of all of it - but I know you will be alright and better.

flutter said...

I so know this feeling, darling foopness.

Thank God you have them. But it sure is a bitch to miss them.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

Friends and loved ones are absolutely necessary during tough transitions. Thankfully we're so plugged in these days they're never more than a phone call or email away. Not the same as at your front door w/ a couple bottles of wine, but still...

And I know what you mean about leaving the job. I left Big Corporation to manage a dog daycare and be a dog trainer. Amazing how many people watched me go w/ longing. Suckas.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

My kingdom for a soul sister or two. Sigh. They are hard to come by nowadays.

Hang in there and enjoy all the kind emails from work folk.

foop said...

CHicky, in my next life, I'm going to be a dog trainer. I don't blame them for being jealous!

jeanie said...

Congratulations on stepping off the pier and sailing your own craft off into your dreams!

It is wonderful to have the true friends, whether they be near or far - but much much nicer to have them near.

liv said...

you're lucky to know you're lucky, you know? i relate.

Oh, The Joys said...

That pie thing cracked me up!

If the pie makes you happy, eat the effing pie, right?!!

bzybead said...

So, what are we going to do about this? I say plan a visit. . . I will have a cup of tea while ogling at my tulips today and think about all of the times you wanted out of your job and celebrate the fact that your world has opened wide.

hele said...

In anthropology the stage you are describing is called the liminal space - a space betwixt and between.

I remember giving up my friends and starting a new life after leaving rehab. It was hard and I often felt lonely but oh how glad I am now that I entered that strange disconnected place because it lead me to where I am now.